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 I very recently experienced something I had only read about before, a very interesting phenomenon called sleep paralysis. Physiologically it is related to the paralysis that occurs during normal REM sleep which prevents a person from acting out their dreams. Sleep paralysis occurs when the brain awakes from a REM state, but the body paralysis persists. It is a very strange experience, being awake but completely unable to move, yell out, or even open your eyes. There is a very powerful sensation of being held down, accompanied by strange auditory and tactile hallucinations. I did not experience any visual hallucinations, though I have read they are often present. I was awake, trying very hard to move or scream, but couldn't. It probably would have been terrifying if I didn't know what it is, but mostly I just thought it was interesting. It was over quickly and I didn't get a chance to focus on any single aspect of the experience. If it ever happens again, I will try to pay more attention. Current Mood:  curious
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I will never understand this need of people to seek happiness in another person, to expect someone else to complete them, to make them whole. If you are not happy with yourself, by yourself, you will never find happiness with another person, only disappointment. People yearn for that someone who will heal all wounds, fulfill all needs, be their happily ever after. And they grasp onto their partner, depending on them for their happiness without ever trying to figure out how to make their own lives better. Give up the illusions, burn out the neediness and fix yourself first. This is not as difficult as it may sound. There are so many lonely people out there. “The only obsession everyone wants: ‘love.’ People think that in falling in love they make themselves whole? The Platonic union of souls? I think otherwise. I think you’re whole before you begin. And the love fractures you. You’re whole, and then you’re cracked open.” --Philip Roth, The Dying AnimalTags: love
Current Mood:  cold
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transposable elements are (often) autonomous elements in a host genome. these jumping genes generally code for only a couple of proteins necessary for their transposition and/or replication within the host genome. these "selfish" genes exist to propagate their existence. for a transposon to survive and be successful it needs to survive, it needs to be be able to transpose within the genome. but to do that most transposable elements rely on the presence of cellular proteins to aid them in the process. if I were a transposable element, i would pack so many genes, in fact I would be sure I had a copy of every gene I could possibly ever need to survive, and as a result I would be HUGE and likely end up "dead" because it would be nearly impossible to carry all that bulk around through multiple jumps. the most efficient transposons only carry the bare minimum of coding sequences and rely on the host cell to provide the rest. are efficient people like efficient transposons? is it necessary to rely on other people in order to get by in life? I tend to be the opposite of that, I don't trust people to do what they are supposed to do. this is why I prefer to work alone on projects, because I know I will get things done. perhaps the lesson to learn from these "selfish" pieces of DNA is that to get ahead, I have to put more faith in people? seems counter-intuitive. but wait, there is more! transposons jump around the host genome. in doing that they can often have deleterious effects, cause mutations and occasionally death to the host cell. obviously that would be bad news for the trasposon because it cannot survive without the host cell. because of that transposons have ways of regulating their behavior and transposition so as to ensure they don't cause severe damage to the host. back to my individual/society analogy... an individual, much like a transposon, needs society to survive. so, even though we are all selfishly trying to ensure our own survival, we should also control our actions so they do not inflict harm on the society on which we depend for survival. no matter what the scale is, from atoms to molecules to cells to organisms to societies to planets... all the same rules apply, everything is driven by chemical interactions. really though, I just don't want to study for my Molecular Genetics exam anymore and writing about this allows me to pretend I am not totally wasting my time. Tags: life, molgen
Current Mood:  silly
Current Music: Tom Waits
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after vaccination or infection, the immune system amounts a response to the foreign antigen present in the body. this response leads to destruction of the foreign agent, killing any of the body's own cells that have been infected with it and producing memory cells which retain information about the specific antigen. these memory cells, when they encounter the same antigen, amount a secondary immune response which is more rapid and effective. the increased secondary response indicates the presence of immunological memory and is responsible for immunity to certain pathogens. this immunological memory, however, rarely lasts a lifetime and often immunity wear off unless a "booster" is given to stimulate it. I think my "immunity" to people follows similar patterns. whenever I have a bad falling out with someone and throw them out of my life, it is easy to resist letting them back into it while the memory of the offense is still fresh in my mind. but the more time passes, the more this "immunity" weakens. if enough time is allowed to pass, the offense is all but forgotten and I look back wistfully at the good things I shared with that person, which in turn makes me feel like I should seek them out, reconcile. for even if I remember what led me to drive them out of my life, at a much later time it becomes abstracted and distant, something I understand conceptually but which no longer carries the emotional weight it once held. as this emotional memory fades and the "immunity" weakens, I am left more vulnerable, open to subsequent "reinfection." “My anger, in consequence of the damned laws of consciousness, is subject to chemical decomposition. As you look, its object vanishes into thin air, its reasons evaporate, the offender is nowhere to be found, the affront ceases to be an offense and becomes destiny, something like a toothache, for which nobody is to blame, and consequently there remains only the same outcome, which is banging one’s head as hard as one can against the stone wall.” --Dostoyevsky, Notes from the UndergroundCurrent Mood:  contemplative
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